These past few days have really been a point of true reflection.
I realised that this year has been a year of great learning for me. I've learned and cleared up doubts in this very year, more than the past 15 years of my life.
But yet somehow, it feels as though I'm not longing enough for His word.
If I regard learning God's word with my past learning attitude, then, yes, it seems rather shapely now. However, this is not the case. Christianity is not based around my life, but God's. And if I were to compare what i've learned for this very year, to what God expect Christians to.. Then what I've gained this year is simply nothing to be boastful of.
I reflected over the last few BS, and I realised that God had specifically chose such instances for me to learn from.
Sat- nehemiah 1&2- humbling Himself to serve a nation he has not even seen for himself. Being 'operationally ready' and to wait upon the Lord's call before he journeys.
This really got me thinking bout service for next year and the years to come. I realised that there are so many channels of service that God can use one to serve in. And hence, I have to prepare myself, biblically and spiritually for where He calls me to.
Furthermore, Nehemiah was a man of prayer. And that's truly what I've been lacking in. I've always been praying throughout the past few months, but I had not led a prayerful life. Most of the prayers I claimed to God were either self-help prayers, or prayers without believing that God had the power to answer them. Is was a subconscious issue that God had divinely revealed in His time to me.
Today- Romans class. To be reminded of the significance of Salvation.
This brings up the magnitude of sin and God's grace. It's one thing to tell ourselves that all sins are have to be punished for, and it's another to actually believe it. It brings out true meaning of our basis of our faith.
R.C Sproul
- “Sin is cosmic treason.” What I meant by that statement was that even the slightest sin that a creature commits against his Creator does violence to the Creator’s holiness, His glory, and His righteousness. Every sin, no matter how seemingly insignificant, is an act of rebellion against the sovereign God who reigns and rules over us and as such is an act of treason against the cosmic King.
When we see how even an insignificant sin brings about such great consequences, then we can truly picture the depth of God's sacrifice and grace for us all.
However, it was after all the BS classes that I've truly felt God's hands at work and how all of these fell into place.
Right after I came home, i did my usual blog stalk. I looked through everyone's blog except ian's. (which I still feel is God divined) I posted a picture of Ian I edited, on fb and on the blog right after cus I thought it would be funny.
After doing all these, I checked Ian's blog. He wrote about what I did to Him earlier today, and how I've treated him. I felt a strong sense of shame and guilt upon me. I knew it had to be from God, because my human self would have confronted to what he had to say about me with anger. It was my fault for taking him for granted. I realise how much of an asshole I've been.
But, I also strongly believe that God used this to show me how ugly i truly am once again. To suppress my pride, and to humble myself.
Christianity was still very much apart of a theory, and not enough of a reality.
So thanks for expressing how you feel, and to show me my flaws.
I am really sorry for how I've been treating you. It is far from the love that Christ has commanded us all to show.
God's special touch to things;
-And even during the few hours I was struggling to understand what God was telling me through all of this, He gave me an assurance that I was not alone with my spiritual struggle through a msg from someone else. This person shared with me her struggles, and she was really an encouragement for me to stand firm in God, to find comfort in Him and to seek Him first in times of our struggle. God is truly a timely God, who reveals all things beautiful in His time.
Thank you Lord for everything.
